“Gossip” by Carmen James, NYC

topic: GOSSIP medium: TEXT

Its fair at times to find the most innocuous person to tell a secret—right? Secrets of mistakes of others burn until shared. The incredibility that she could have said that or he could have done that, and how it could possibly be true is like staring through dense foliage into darkness– better to stare with another person. Better to comment on the unconfirmed spectacle with someone who doesn’t know any of those involved so that its the same as telling no one at all…but there is a sinking sense when we do this, as though we’re pandering to our schadenfreude…and then there are some rumors that hurt too much to repeat…

The Goddess of Rumor Ossa is often described as a fire sweeping through a city. She reverberates against every wall and like dams breaking free to water spilling forth onto a city, she finds her way into every crevice filling it, bursting the imagination. There was a woman in a myth who swore never to tell a secret and though she tried and tried, the secret inside her burned and one day, as she was washing by the river, she bent down and whispered to the river and the whole world knew…

This time it came through the tunnels  of the night, a pounding desire for a moment had—and then here, now, on the bright cold blue day she looks me in the eye and asks me: why would he act in this way? Her eyes meet mine, an avalanche of certainty crumbling to the soles of my feet. Do I say what I heard, what I saw or do I, as I did, keep the truth that’s as good as a rumor to be told to the trees tomorrow?

I walk burning with the question after the talk is over, the coffee passed. So there, Ossa, I stopped the flow of that rumor.  I think I’ve won, stamped out your fire, but suddenly—why, Ossa, do I yearn for your rumors? In my quest for answers, in all that is not lining up and making sense, I scan the horizon waiting for you to fly down and give an explanation instead of waiting for truth. Ahh, this rumor is most satisfying, it calms me, becomes even in its un-truth, no matter how far fetched, it is an answer…