Michael William is originally from Bensonhurst but at an early age his father swallowed his pride and took a job as a house keeper for a wealthy family in Fairfield, CT in order to give his son a shot at a better life. Now Michael lives in Manhattan and writes the words that come out of cartoon character’s mouths. He is an unattractive person both physically and emotionally but is working on improving that–the emotional part, there’s not much he can do about his appearance except drink a lot and hope others around him are drinking in excess as well. Michael names these women as four of the most influential of his time; (in no particular order) Hillary Rodham Clinton, Billie Jean King, Stephanie Ursula Hodges, and Helen Gurley Brown. Michael aspires to be a more patient person while waiting in line at Duane Reade and the fucking imbeciles in front of him can’t process the sign that reads, “Please form a single line behind each register” and hopes one day they reduce the size of their customer receipts to something under a sixteen inches. Got your own nugget of wisdom to share with the world? PenTales Lessons is on a mission to collect people’s nuggets of wisdom. The idea is that we’d all be bit smarter if we share our hard-learned lessons and life mottos. Contribute your two cents at pentales.com/share
1. Who is your hero and why?
The person who invented air conditioning because it keeps me cool. Unless it’s wintertime, in which case my hero is the person who invented blankets. For opposite reasons.
2. What was your dream job as a child?
“Host of The Price is Right.
3. What do you wish you had known 10/20/30 years ago?
10 years ago I wish I knew not to give up that apartment on Montague Terrace to move in with a now ex-girlfriend. 20 years ago I wish I knew if Tara from Mrs. Greenstone’s English class “”liked”” me. 30 years ago I wish I knew how to play classical piano. ”
4. Is there any motto you follow? What’s something that you think always holds true?
Nope, they move too quickly, I’m a smoker. I cannot keep up. Something that always holds true: 2 + 2= 4. 5.
What’s something your parents told you and turned out to be right?
“You will never host The Price is Right.”
6. If you could share a message with all of humanity (and everyone was guaranteed to listen), what would it be?
Don’t buy drugs. Become an animated TV writer and they just give them to you.