Have Your Divorces Before You Get Married

topic: Monogamy medium: text

By: Nancy Marshall

So I wasn’t exactly monogamous when I was single. Maybe I was – in a serial sort of way. Did I have a choice? He wasn’t interested, or I wasn’t. Mr. Right had not appeared on the horizon, and marriage wasn’t an option.  There went the teens. Then the twenties. Even half the thirties.

What was this monogamy I longed for?

Yes, I could define it. I wanted to be, body and soul, loyal to one guy, for life! Easy to define, and maybe pretty easy to do. I’ve been married for thirty-five years now, and it is easy.

I can’t begin to speak for anyone else – life’s way too complicated. But for me, monogamy means no sexual affairs, no major commitments to others. Even work and the in-laws enter into the competition. Not that we don’t share. But when your partner gives multiple reasons why he or she can’t be with you at normal times (dinner? Home at night?) time after time, you begin to wonder.

Does monogamy mean no flirtations? No dalliances? What about an intense partnership on a work project? Is Mr. Right a soul mate, or do I have to find that in someone else? You decide.

I found that it was a lot easier being monogamous once I got married, because I had already tried some other relationships and knew what did NOT work. Had those divorces first, thanks so much. I figured out what the major priorities were for me: integrity, chemistry and humor. Something else may matter for you.

But now, simply put, I’m loyal to my guy and he is to me. We don’t want to wander. We have our disagreements, but we’re here for the duration. I’ve pegged his favorite cuties on the silver screen, and he my heroes. But they are not serious interests. God knows what we’d do if the other one became obsessed with a celebrity.

That’s it in a nutshell. I’m a fan of monogamy. You don’t have to lie or cheat, and there’s less collateral damage. We’ve had ups and downs, sicknesses and health. The bottom line, after love and shared values, is loyalty. You won’t need an affair, and you won’t need a divorce – you’ve done it all before you got married